I would throw up if I could afford to eat.

Me and Katie are back together. My dicks fine. Right, on with the hate.

http://london.bnp.org.uk/

Watch this video.

Ok, once you have stopped vomiting, watch it again and replace the word "Local" with the word "white".

Why can't any politician just talk like a normal person? Why can't Brian Paddick just say we should vote for him because he is a gay copper and therefore, must know more about the hardships of life than Boris Johnson and Ken Livingstone? Why can't Boris Johnson just start doing stand up comedy rather than get into a job where he will probably ruin lives? Why can't Ken just, for the love of god, stop talking out of his arse.

And why can't the BNP just say, they don't like brown people, they don't believe the holocaust happened (regardless of what documents written at the time, witnesses and survivors have to say on the matter) and the reason why they do not like the UK anymore is because occasionally they have to share their seat on the bus with a guy from china.

My beliefs im going to keep to myself for now (although I have to say the BNP give children cancer) I just want someone in politics to call someone else a dick. Just once. "Well, I respect my opponent, but he is incorrect" is horse shit. "Your a dick, everything you stand for makes me want to be violently sick on you, and if I did it would probably improve how you smell you blithering thundercunt" is what I want to hear in the house of commons. Why do you think its called the house of commons? Where the hell did all these fucking private schooled, personally and aesthetically ugly people come from? They where the kind of kids at school who if you saw them in the playground chances are you would already be beating up. If your saw their face in the toilets you would just have to stick their face where the poo goes because they are so full of shit.

Nobody voted for our primeminister. Not one person. "But thats how the system works...." fuck that, its broken when some guy who looks like Golem after a few to many bowels of porridge has found himself incharge with not a single vote for him.

Who is the alternative? I used to be naive enough to think the Lib dems could win one day. But they won't because THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING. The only thing they are good at is keeping things quiet, like they actually have someone running for mayor, and who the new bloke is thats running it.

Why has there never been a black politician in charge of any of the majors? America is very, very close to beating us to it. America, a country where in Alabama its illegal to tickle someone with a feather duster on tuesday. Is it that they would never have a chance of winning in this country? What does that say about us?

"If theres a new way, Ill be the first in line, but it better work this time"

The penis chronicles part 3 - The worst 28 days of my life.

Here is a list of reasons why the last 28 days have sucked.

1. My circumcision left me unable to piss on my own for a week and a half.

2. When I went to the hospital to tell them I could not piss, they fitted a cathater bag. Badly.

3. In agony I arrived back at the hospital a day later, where I got the distinct impression I was getting in the way of something important, like their fag break.

4. The surgeon fitted me with the wrong stitches, that don't dissolve, so they did not come out. He also tied them so tightly that now for the rest of my life my cock is going to have rather unsightly scar tissue all over it.

5. Getting these stitches removed, has and will fucking sting.

6. My girlfriend dumped me.

7. Simon Cowell makes lots and lots of money off people who dare have a dream and take steps to realise it. He is a cruel man.

8. I can't get a stand up gig anywhere, even though now I have all the material to do at least six five minute sets.

9. Catherine Tate has destroyed Doctor who.

10. I realised that one of my best mates, Joe, is not actually one of my best mates, but is at best, an idiot and at worst someone who uses people.

Sorry if this is not funny. Regular programming will resume in a few weeks.

"Adrian has left the building, being very careful not to bump into anything"

The penis chronicles part 2 - Pre med

The doctor asked me to shave my dick.

He also gave me 2 valium.

Lets just say one went hand in hand with the other.

*shudders*

Adrian is nerd

Hey, ive decided to start telling people what I think of things.

www.adrianisnerd.blogspot.com

Enjoy, or not.

The penis chronicles part 1 - the final week.

In less than one week a small indian man is going to cut off what is left of my foreskin.

*Awkward silence*

A month ago, I went to see this particular man, who instantly made an impression by dropping a pen. After a little chat, which contained far to many uses of the words "penis" and "choppy choppy yeah", he felt me up. This was spectacularly rubbish.


"You will be wide awake, anaesthetic is for girls"

"clearly considering what you are holding doctor, I'm not a girl. Cant you hit me over the head?"

"I can celloptape your eyes shut".

Brilliant. This was one of many bizare exchanges we had.

"When it is done, it will look like an egg in a cup"

".....you what"

"Like an egg sitting in a cup, yeah?"

I wanted to ask him what the fuck was he going to do to my penis, to make it look not like a penis but a traditional british breakfast component, but then I remembered he had now, without asking, decided to check my balls for cancers. If you slaughtered a hundred innocent women in front of me, I would be making the same expression I was at that exact moment.

Once I left the surgery, and went to cry on the shoulder of my favourite burger, and checked up online some of the history and risks of this procedure. First off I learnt what I already knew, Jewish people have done it since forever, and they do it because it was one of the things god told Moses on the hill.

Now, think about that for a second. If this event happened, as it is written, Moses was there writing down all the things god is telling him, a "Dont eat things without hooves that dont eat grass, dont wear clothes of two different cloths, cut off all the mens foreskins, dont kill anyone.." and not once did he not say "hang on a second".

If that was me, I would find it a bit odd and at least ask him why. Anyone would. I mean, it would only be right, it really hurts.

Next I went to the nhs website, and immediatly went to the risks section of the circumcision entry because Im an idiot. Her are the risks for all of you out there.

• a decrease in sensation (feeling) in the penis, particularly during sex,
• damage to the urethra (urine tube inside the penis) causing it to narrow and making it hard to pass urine,
• accidental amputation of the glans (head of the penis) which is very rare, and
• a blood infection, or blood poisoning (septicaemia).

Once this information had been digested, I grabbed my penis and let out a half sigh, half whince, it was a defence mechanism that was partuclarly out of place in an internet cafe in east London.

In preparation for the surgery (which im told is being performed in his gp's office, just him and me. I never, ever thought Id long for an operating theatre this much) I have precured a few items to help me through the surgery itself and the week afterwoulds.

2 Valium, so Im so stoned I wont care if he cuts my dick in half.
1 half bottle of whiskey, for the day after
1 box of tissues, for the crying
7 cakes, one per day
1 picture of a woman giving birth to a dead baby, to be hung on the celing above my bed to avoid errections, and before you ask, google image search is a fucking hazard with the safe search off.
Season 2 of Heroes
A towel.

Next update, The night before, just after the valium kicks in.

Toodle pip.

A new interest.

Im not going to bore you with details of the last few weeks, all im going to say is I no longer live in the middle of the hairy streets of east London, now I live in clapham.

And now I know what poverty is. As I was playing my xbox 360, eating my massive plate of food, I could not help but think if this is the poorest im ever going to be Im going to be very very lucky.

Iam, rather unlucky. In a little over two weeks I am to be circumsized. Again. This time, I will be fully conscious, and the doctor in charge says that when he is finished with my dick it will look like an egg in a cup.

Sigh.

I have decided to set myself a challenge, as I have somehow gotten myself into roughly three thousand pounds worth of debt since september 2004 Ive decided to get out of it. Here is a list of avenues I have explored.

Donating Sperm. This may get in the way of my dick surgery, but hopefully they can see me before I let a short indian man mutilate my willy.

Paid surveys - Boring, but if I do fifty surveys i get fifty quid!

Becoming a mystery shopper - a tenner for going into a shop. Yippy.

Medical experiments - a hundred quid a day? booosh.

Ill do a proper brief laters, when I have time, right now I have to....go visit a cup.

yippy.

2008. *out of breath*

I aint updated in a while, because.......all I do is things.

When I get a chance to do nothing, Ill be back.....