An elephant, a giraffe and Adrian walk into a bar.

Horrible things I have seen and witnessed and experienced.

1. Buying a copy of the sun. Whilst the naked lady pleases my penis, the rest of the paper upsets my head. They hate polish people, which befuddles me, as having a strong opinion on a nation of people is a little like having a strong opinion on socks.

2. I sat in wee. On the tube. I didnt smell it due to the general tube smell of feet, crisps and despair, and when I realised, as to not alert the entire train, I was forced to sit in the wee until my journey ended at stratford.

3. Letting my second chance fly by. Cryptic as this is, Im going to leave it at that.

4. Asking Rachel Ballard (my new flatmate) for a lesson in all things sexual. I asked because it has been so long, chances are my first performance is going to be rubbish, so any help I could get would come in handy. The night ended on an awkward note.

5. getting to buckingham palace, yet being told the queen wasnt in. And then laughed at. Alot.

6. Being told by a random pub patron "Don't kiss the pig, cos she may bite your face off". I have no idea what this means.